Quantcast
MaryEllen, Author at Imperfect Homemaker - Page 45 of 121

All Posts by MaryEllen

What Does it Mean to Parent the Heart?

What does is mean to parent the heart?

 

 

Parenting the heart…

 

That sounds like a pretty phrase, but what does it really mean?

 

I believe there is a vitally important difference between teaching children to obey you and teaching children to do what is right.

 

Teaching a child to obey means that when you teach your child to clean his room, he does — as long as you tell him to do it and stand there to make sure he does.
Parenting your child's heart means that your child cleans his room on his own because he has learned the value of diligence in his work.

 

Teaching a child to obey means that your child shares with his friends – when you tell him he needs to share.
Parenting your child's heart means that your child shares without being told because he has learned that God wants us to be kind to others and think of their needs before our own.

 

Teaching a child to obey means your child turns off the video game — when you tell him to.
Parenting a child's heart means your child turns off the video game without being told because you've taught him the value of using time wisely.

 

Don't get me wrong.  It is important that parents teach their children to obey. 

But if we're not careful, we can end up focusing on our children's actions instead of their heart attitudes.

 

We are satisfied that they pick up their toys when we tell them to.  We are satisfied that they share their toys when reminded.  We are satisfied that they turn off the video game when told (and happy when they do it without complaining!)

 

But what happens when you're not there to tell them to clean up or share or turn off the video game?

 

When your daughter is grown and married, will her house be a wreck because you're not there to tell her to clean it up?

When your grown children have friends going through a hard time, will they pass them by without a second thought because you're not there to tell them to think of others?

When your son is out on his own will he waste all his time on foolish pursuits because you're not there to remind him to use his time wisely?

 

When we teach our children to obey, we must teach them the Biblical principles behind what we're telling them to do.  We must also help them understand other life situations to which they can apply that Biblical principle.

 

Heart Parenting

 

When you tell your child every little thing he is supposed to do rather than placing the responsibility for his actions directly on him, you are failing to develop that child's conscience.  (And after his salvation, you are failing to teach him how to listen to the Holy Spirit's promptings.)

 

A sensitive conscience and a listening ear to the voice of the Holy Spirit will empower your child to do what is right on his own, without being reminded by mom and dad every time.

 

Maybe you've never thought about child training this way before.  Maybe you knew you should be parenting your child's heart, but lacked the practical instruction to do so.

 

Motivate Your Child to Do Right Without Being Told.  Is it Possible?  This is a great book with lots of practical suggestions.

 

 

I was recently given the opportunity to review a brand new book entitled: Motivate Your Child: A Christian Parent's Guide to Raising Kids Who Do What They Need to Do Without Being Told.

I normally do not do book reviews on the blog since I just do not have the time to commit to it.  However, this one really caught my eye as one that I'd like to read, so I decided to go ahead and do the review.

 

I am so glad I did!

I have something highlighted on almost every page of this book!  There are so many practical ideas that I want to implement in our family.

For instance, after reading this book my husband and I decided it would be wise to implement a chore chart for our children.  There are several things they are expected to do each morning before they start their day.  It's not a reward or punishment system. They simply cannot come out of their room until their jobs are done.  If the job is in another room of the house they must complete it before they can do anything else.

Rather than expecting them to remember everything or tell them what to do over and over, we gave them a visual reminder – a chart that hangs on the wall in their room.  Now the ball is in their court.  It's up to them to get the work done without being told.  If they want to come out of their room they will get the work done.

initiative

 

Parenting this way takes lots of work and consistency.  It's not a magical solution that is going to revolutionize your home overnight.  But practice makes perfect – literally!  The book contains activities that you can do with your children to practice exercising the conscience until doing right becomes a habit in  your child's life.

 

You can order the book right here.

 

What changes are you going to make in your home to help direct your child's heart rather than focusing only on his actions?

 

 

Disclaimer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taming the Chaos of the Spring Cleaning Routine

Guest post by Michelle from Blooming With Joy.

How to tame the chaos of the spring cleaning routine (hint: it's not about perfection!)

It’s time to clear the clutter and begin spring cleaning!

 

Although it's work, I love the feeling of a freshly spring cleaned home. My problem isn’t finding motivation for spring cleaning because I enjoy getting everything back in place. My issue is keeping things in order after my spring cleaning list is completed.

See, I have this feast or famine mentality. I clean like mad woman to check off all my boxes every day. As soon as the ink has dried on the check-list, it’s time to the start cleaning all over. Inevitably, I will skip a beat, fall out of sync, and completely give up for a week at a time, or longer. This ongoing cycle implies I, personally, am a failure. If you’re like me, sometime failure lurks like a dark cloud overhead. Let go of the guiltCleaning is what we do; it does not define us a person!

 

How to Tame the Chaos

My definition of clean was nothing less than perfect, spotless, everything in its place. I have learned that I live in my home. Striving for a model home with kids will only lead to frustration. To tame the chaos I needed to redefine the meaning of clean and change my philosophy towards cleaning. My new mentality eased my need for perfection and turned my focus to keeping the clutter moving and laundry fluffed.

Overcome cleaning perfectionism and focus on these things!

Less is more: Figure out what you can realistically accomplish in a day, and then work on those chores. It is not possible to do it all. Your kids should be helping with chores of their own too!

Spring Cleaning Routine: Instead of deep cleaning once a year, do it more frequently to catch extra messes. Set aside time during a break week or take off a special day for a deeper cleaning.

 

Here is an example of how to tame the chaos:

  • I would like the playroom organized. On a daily basis I just want to see the floor. Actually, I finally gave up and tossed the idea of having a playroom in our home. Each child keeps their toys in their room and they are then responsible for their room.
  • I would like a spotless kitchen. Instead I focus on running the dishwasher and wiping the counter.
  • I would like to do the laundry on a daily basis. I have found that doing it weekly often works better.

Doing a little cleaning every day does not result in a perfect home, but it keeps me happier and our home healthier.

Motivating Kids after Spring Cleaning

After I learned to tame the chaos, my challenge was finding a good chore routine for after spring cleaning. So I researched chore charts but none fit the flexibility of my life. I might schedule to clean the bathrooms on Wednesday but reality says it might be Friday before I get them cleaned. This was frustrating. So I came up with a Chore Card System that works really well and offers the flexibility I need as a homeschooling mom! My new eBook Motivate Kids to Clean: Chore Card System has a fully customizable chore cards and point system, inspiration for Mom, how to make a simple schedule, and more.

 

chore cards

 

 

Motivate Kids to Clean: Chore Card System {Reg. $4.99} will be offered as a special deal to Imperfect Homemaker readers for 20% off.

The special button below will automatically give you the 20% off price:

 

 

Encouragement for Mom

Do you struggle with check-list guilt or waver between perfection and chaos? Do you struggle with the temptation to replay the events over and over in your mind as self-punishment arises? My friend, God doesn’t love you anymore when you are perfect nor does he love you any less after you’ve blown it!

God’s very nature is Love.

 

He loved us before we became super mom and He loves us after we realize we are not. A woman’s superpower persona has existed for all of time. You are not alone in feeling tempted to avoid God when it seems your accomplishments lacking. Look what Jesus says to Super Hero Martha:

“Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”  (Luke 10:41-42)

 

Good things can be a distraction from greater things. There are things we need to tend to. However, we cannot discern our priorities clearly until we have been filled up by God’s word.

 

To truly tame the chaos of spring cleaning, make your quiet time daily priority number one.

 

I pray you begin Blooming With Joy through every chaotic moment, disappointment, and mess!

 

Michelle Pohl

 

 

 

 

 

Why You Need to Menu Plan (and how I do it)

Why Every Homemaker Needs to Menu Plan!

 

It goes like this:

You get home from the grocery store and pull all of the rotten junk out of the refrigerator that you never got around to using last week. All the random vegetables that you bought because you knew you should make vegetables with your meals are now molded and unusable. You shake your head in disgust, throw them away, and put a brand new round of random foods into the fridge.

Dinner time comes and you're rummaging through all the random ingredients you purchased trying to come up with something that will taste halfway decent. You forgot one key ingredient to the lasagna you were thinking of making, but you don't realize it until halfway through your prep. time. You continue on with the whatever substitution you can find, but the result is less than stellar. Everyone eats a courtesy helping and the rest goes into the fridge. “We'll eat the leftovers for lunch” you half-heartedly tell yourself, knowing full well that you might as well just throw it away now. But alas, you allow the disfavored food to sit in the refrigerator until you spy a layer of fuzzy green growing on the top of your leftover lasagna.

“Someday I will get my act together” you think as you toss it into the trash. “I really need to start planning things out a little better.”

But here's the thing: Telling yourself you need to change and changing are two different things.

 

We all have good intentions, but intentions never get us anywhere unless we follow through.

 

Can I tell you about something that helped me start planning healthy (and frugal!) meals for my family?

It's called Build a Menu, and it works like this:

1. Choose the store where you'd like to shop (it even includes my favorite store – ALDI!)
2. Choose the recipes you want to make. You can plan out every meal of the day as well as snacks and even dessert if you want. And those on special diets needn't worry – they've got you covered too! Gluten free, Paleo, Trim Healthy Mama, Allergen Free…they've got it all!
3. As you select your recipes, a shopping list is automatically generating for you and tallying up your total. Each recipe is marked with its approximate cost, so if you go over-budget, you can go back and de-select something or switch out a more expensive recipe for a cheaper one.

That's it! You can drag and drop your recipes onto a weekly or monthly calendar if you like or just print the entire thing as a list and choose whichever one suits your fancy that day. The important thing is that you've planned for specific meals and shopped from a specific list.

No more buying random items and pulling them – rotten – from the fridge a week or two later!

You can give it a try with a free 2 week subscription.

 

 

 

 

5 Ways to be Your Husband’s Best Friend

Best friends.

 

We've all heard that husbands and wives should be best friends.  But how does that actually play out in real life?

You might want to be best friends with your husband but you lack the knowledge to do so.

I talked this post over with my husband before I wrote it because I wanted to be 100% sure that what I was writing was something with which he would agree!

Together we came up with these 5 Ways To Be Your Husband's Best Friend.

 

How to Be Your Husband's Best Friend

 

 

1. Laugh with him.

When you're out with your girlfriends no doubt there is a good deal of laughter that goes on.  You enjoy each other's company and you're naturally going to smile and laugh with each other.

But it goes to a whole deeper level when you're laughing with the one who is also the love of your life.

My husband and I share a million and one inside jokes.  We're always cracking up at what seems to others as random moments.  But we each know without even looking at the other what the other one is thinking.

It's funny.  And it's beautiful.

 

2. Grow in Christ together.

My closest friends throughout the years have been those with whom I share a spiritual bond.  Those with whom I've shared my prayer requests, no matter how big or little.  Those who aren't afraid to give me a spiritual kick in the tail when I'm off track.  Those who challenge and edify me through our conversations.

A husband and wife who want to be the best of friends will also help one another grow in Christ.  They'll pray together.  They'll share with the other what the Lord has been teaching them through their personal quiet time.  They'll ask the other for help when they're having trouble overcoming a certain character flaw.

 

3. Spend time with him.

Quality time together is one of the foundations of friendship, isn't it?

Why then do so many husbands and wives neglect to set aside regular time to date one another – to make time to talk about something other than which bills need to be paid and what time Johnny needs to be at soccer practice?

Do you know your husband's hopes and dreams?  Have you spent enough time with him to find out?

I get that life is busy, but you truly have time for what you make time for.  Make time for your husband.  Get creative.  (Here are 25 Stay-at-home Date Night Ideas if you need some help, then scroll down for a super-fun date night giveaway!)

4. Bear his burdens.

I'm not talking about major tragedies that couples might face.  Of course you're going to bear that burden with him. I'm talking about the little things.

When your husband comes home from work frustrated because he didn't have a productive day, give him a shoulder rub and tell him you're sorry.  Don't roll your eyes and say “Oh yeah?  Well let me tell you about my day!”

5. Enjoy physical touch

Physical intimacy in the bedroom should be just that – intimate.  Rather than succumbing to the temptation to make it a purely physical act, strive to connect on an emotional and even spiritual level.

Little touches throughout the day also tell the other person, “I enjoy being around you.  You're special to me.  You're my best friend and there's no one I'd rather be with right now.”

 

What other ways can you think of to be your husband's best friend?

 


For some awesome, inspirational reading, I recommend the following books:

100 Ways to Love Your Husband: A Life-Long Journey of Learning to Love (by Lisa Jacobson)

100 Ways to Love Your Husband

8 Reasons Bloggers Need to Make Friends With Google Analytics

As a blogger, I thrive on the creative aspect of things – creating awesome content and coming up with new ideas.

While I make use of more technical things like Google Analytics sometimes, it has definitely not been a top priority of mine.

I figured if I kept creating awesome content and faithfully shared to social media, I would be fine and my site would keep growing.  I figured I was doing all I reasonably could and that the biggest results of my traffic were kind of up to fate.

I never realized the amazing power I held to control my results to a much greater extent!

8 Reasons Bloggers Should Become Friends with Google Analytics

That power was found inside of Google Analytics.  For so long I've thought I was doing pretty well by checking which posts did well at this time last year and re-sharing them.  Or checking which Pinterest pins were bringing me the most traffic and re-pinning them regularly.

But there was so much more than that.

I just got this new book called “Skyrocket Your Blog's Pageviews with Google Analytics” and I have been voraciously reading and implementing all of the advice.  My mind has been blown with how many treasures I was overlooking within Google Analytics.

Skyrocket Your Blog's Pageviews with Google Analytics

 

For instance, just in a few short days of putting into practice the things I've learned, I came up with 8 ways I've benefited from making better friends with Google Analytics:

 

  1. Increase new visitors

I'm finding clever yet authentic ways to target new audiences that I have not been able to harness.

I'm also finding out how to increase the audience demographic that I already have.

 

2. Keep visitors on site longer

I am no longer guessing which content I should be featuring to entice visitors to read more.  I know exactly which content they want to see.

 

3. Know where to spend advertising dollars

Again, I don't have to guess here.  I already know which sources are sending me quality traffic and I can invest into what is already working.

 

4. Increase affiliate earnings

Instead of simply including affiliate links in my posts (which is a good idea, by the way), I can tell exactly which topics will perform well and that I need to get busy creating an affiliate post for.

5. Increase SEO

I never realized that a big part of my SEO strategy was hiding in plain sight in Google Analytics.  I'm on it now.

 

6. Improve Social Media Strategy

I can tell what to post on social media and when to post it.  No more struggling to guess which of my posts I should share at a given time.

 

7. Provide new content ideas

I can see what content people are already liking a lot or what they're hoping to find that's not there.  This provides me with an endless supply of content ideas that are guaranteed to work.

 

8. Find potential blogging buddies and tribemates

I can see which other bloggers' content meshes with mine and take notice of which sites traffic flows smoothly to and from.  These blogs are the perfect candidates for recruiting as tribemates.

 

I wish I could just tell you everything I've learned, but that wouldn't be fair to the ladies who wrote the book.  They've done the dirty work to really dig hard and mine for the hard-to-find treasures within Google Analytics.

And what I love most is that the book is broken down into small bite-sized challenges so that you can just focus on learning one small thing at a time.  There are 33 challenges total that will walk you through all the nitty-gritty details of Google Analytics and then offer brilliant strategies on what to do with the information you've found.

At $14.99, it's a steal in my opinion.  I have already had fantastic results and I have not even had a chance to work at it much.

My pageviews, unique visitors, and time on site are all increasing, and my bounce rate is decreasing.  And based on which posts are improving and where the traffic is coming from, I can tell this is a direct result of strategies that were shared in the book.

 

If you want someone to walk you step-by-step through the process of becoming best buds with Google Analytics, you can grab the eBook below.

Skyrocket Pageviews with Google Analytics
Buy Now

 

 

Click here for lots more information on how to make money blogging!

Dear Mom of the Prodigal Child

Dear Mom of the Prodigal Child - wonderful encouragement for the Christian mom

 

Dear Mom of the Prodigal Child,

 

Before I got married and had kids of my own, I was the perfect parent.

It was going to be so easy. I would simply teach my kids to do right – and they would!

 

Parents who had wayward children had obviously messed up somewhere down the line. After all, the Bible says “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” If yours departed from the ways of Scripture, it was your fault.

 

When I had my own children, everything changed. It wasn’t a sudden change; just a gradual one.

 

Over time I began to find that the things I taught my kids didn’t always seem to stick. So I’d teach them again. And they still didn’t stick.

Then I realized that sometimes…sometimes it wasn’t that they weren’t understanding or remembering what I’d taught them. They were choosing to do what they wanted to do, even though they knew better.

 

Although the issues I deal with from a seven-year-old and a five-year-old are small in comparison to a grown child who is committing crimes, living an immoral lifestyle, or just living it up with no thoughts of God, it is still painful to me as a mother when I see a child who has been taught over and over to do right ignore instruction and willfully make the choice to serve self rather than God.

When I see a child who thinks only of himself with no consideration for how his actions affect others and with no regard for what God says about his actions, I shudder to think what that could mean when he is grown. Blatant self-indulgence now in the form of sneaking forbidden candy or soda could easily turn into all kinds of immorality and wickedness in later years. Shirked schoolwork and chores could turn my child into a good-for-nothing adult. Disregard for the property of others now could turn my child into a thief in later years.

And none of it would be because my child hasn’t been taught what is right. My children all have and will continue to be taught what is right – over and over and over.

But I can’t make them do right. They must still choose right on their own.

When one of my children makes a wrong choice, I often second-guess myself. “Did I not make it clear what was right in this situation? Did I not spend enough one-on-one time with this child? Did I focus too much on outward actions and not reach this child’s heart?”

While constant evaluation of my parenting skills will help me do the best job I possibly can, I must not blame every failure of my child on myself. In most cases, the failure occurred simply because my child chose to please self rather than please God.

Rather than scouring parenting books looking for new and better ideas, the best strategy for me to reach my child’s heart is to spend my time on my knees, begging God to do the work in my child’s heart that I cannot do.

Dear mama of the prodigal child: I’m sorry. Perhaps you spent the best years of your life teaching and training your child to do what is right and to serve God with his life. And now you find the child you love so much has ignored what he has been taught and is seeking to find satisfaction in serving himself.

Instead of joining you in prayer for your child, I’ve wondered what you did wrong in your parenting for your child to turn out this way.

Chances are, you’re already second-guessing yourself. You don’t need others to heap more of a burden onto your already stooped shoulders.

Perhaps you really didn’t do a good job teaching your children to do right. Maybe you didn’t know how. Maybe your spouse didn’t support what you were trying to do. Maybe you simply failed to do what you knew you should have done.

That doesn’t make it any less painful to see your child wasting his life and hurting himself, others, and God.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————

Dear mama of the prodigal child,

I know now that the only way to reach the heart of your child is on your knees. Instead of judging you, I’m joining you.