The Night I Walked Out on My Family

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I watched three little noses press against the glass of the window.  Everything in me longed to run back inside and scoop them up in a big hug and tell them it would be all right.

But I started the Suburban and pulled out of the driveway anyway.  I knew we would all be okay even if they didn't know what was going on.

I didn't know where I was going.  I was just going.

My first instinct was to head up the road to my mom and dad's house.  “No,”  I told myself.  “I am not going to run to mommy and daddy.  I need to run to God.”

So I purposely drove the opposite direction.  I didn't know how far I'd drive.  I was just driving, crying great big ugly cries, and praying completely unintelligible prayers.

“God, I'm thankful the Holy Spirit is interpreting my prayers and interceding for me right now, because I cannot form a coherent sentence if my life depended upon it,”  I said aloud.

Only I don't think it came out that clearly.

The thoughts were swirling a mile a minute.  “I can't believe I'm doing this.  What is wrong with me?  The kids aren't going to understand.  My husband doesn't have a clue what my problem is.  Dear God, please help me!”

I kept driving, praying, crying, and I threw a little steering-wheel beating in there just for good measure.

Every time I saw a turn-around spot on the highway, I was tempted to head back home and finish my crying in the driveway just so the kids would know mommy would be back after a while.

But I kept driving.  I needed more time.

***********************************************************************************************************************

I finally saw a turn-off to another road that would take me in a big circle back toward  home.  “I'll go that way,”  I thought.  I'll know exactly where I'm going and I can turn my thoughts away from “Where am I going?” to the bigger problem at hand.

As I drove, I tried to figure out what had brought me to this point.

I had been planning to make pizza for dinner.  It was already getting late and everybody was getting hungry.  Little feet went pitter-patter behind me as I walked toward the kitchen.  “I'm tired, but this should be easy,” I thought to myself.  “I've already got the crust made.  All I need to do is spread some sauce and cheese on and pop it in the oven.  Dinner will be ready soon and we can eat and get these kids to bed.”

But when I opened the refrigerator I was dismayed to find there was no cheese.  “I thought we had cheese!  Oh great.  Now what are we going to have?  I need to feed these people so they can go to bed!” I thought.

I walked back down the hallway with my shoulders slumped in discouragement.  Little feet went pitter-patter behind me again.

I peeked my head into the computer room where my husband was working.  “I was going to have pizza for dinner, but I just found out we don't have any cheese.  Now I don't have a clue what we're going to eat,” I told him in a pleading voice.  The reason I used a pleading voice is that I really meant, “Can you please make some dinner magically appear or give me an idea of something I can make in a hurry?  I really need to put the kids to bed because I need some quiet and alone-time.”  Only I didn't say that.  All I said was that we didn't have any cheese.  So he just looked back at me and said “Oh.”

“Oh,” was not what I was hoping to hear.  I was desperately hoping to hear “Honey, go in the bedroom and relax.  I'll take care of dinner.”  But all I got was “Oh.”

I walked back down the hallway, little feet once again going pitter-patter behind me.  But now there was another sound being added to the pitter-patter.  “Mom, we're hungry.  When are we going to eat dinner?”

“Just…STOP,” I said through gritted teeth, trying with all my might not to explode.  I knew if anyone else spoke I would blow my stack.  I needed to retreat – and fast.  So I went into my bedroom and shut the door.  Hard.  I wasn't really trying to slam it, I was just trying to make my getaway as fast as possible.

“Why don't you slam that door a little harder?” my husband hollered from the other room.

“Seriously?!  Did he just say that?  I'm trying so hard not to yell at people here!  I'm not allowed to be frustrated?”

“These people have been following me around all day, and I'm just trying to get away for a second!”

So get away I did.  I grabbed the keys and my phone and walked out the door.

And now as I found myself driving alone in the dark, I tried to make some sense of the situation in which I found myself.

As I approached the halfway-point of my loop back home, I realized the road to my parents' house was coming up.

“I might as well call mom and see if she has any cheese,”  I thought to myself.  People are still going to want supper when I do get back home.

Ring.  Ring.  Silence.

“Great!  My phone just died.  When mom tries to call me back, she won't be able to reach me.  Then she'll call David and he'll tell her that I left without telling him where I was going.  Then she'll be worried.  I'd better just drive up there and knock on the door.”

Five minutes later, my dad answered the door and asked what in the world I was doing.  I don't typically show up at their house at night, without my family, and without having called first.

“Well, I tried to call but my phone died,” I said, trying to hold my voice steady.  “I wanted to know if you had any cheese.”

But a daddy's girl can't hide things from him.  He just grabbed me in a big hug and said “What's a'matter?”

I blabbered a bunch of incoherent stuff, and my parents didn't say much of anything, which was really all they needed to say.  They just said “I'm sorry.  We're praying for you.”  And my mom said stuff like, “I remember those days.”

Oh.  And she gave me some cheese.

I felt a bit better when I left their house, but I still needed to figure out why I was so upset.

*********************************************************************************************************************

I didn't have a real “Aha!” moment, but between the first leg of my drive, the time spent at my parents', and the drive the rest of the way home, I gradually figured out what the problem was.

There was nothing wrong with me.  I just flat-out needed a break.

I homeschool the kids, my husband does the grocery shopping for me, and we rarely go anywhere besides church.

I'm with these kids 24/7 every. single. day.

And while I love them with all my heart, one can only stand so much noise.  One can only have oatmeal-covered fingers clinging to her skirt for so many hours a day before she needs a personal time-out.

And now that the kids are older, I'm not even getting the quiet of a nap time any more.  (They're supposed to have “quiet time”, but…well…you know how that goes.)

I'm often awakened in the morning by the baby, which means I have zero time to myself from the moment I set my feet on the floor until I get into bed at night.  And then my poor husband wonders why I scoot away from him and hardly say a word besides a mumbled “G'night.  Love you.”

Thankfully, since I did figure out what the problem was, he and I have talked this over, and we're working on a solution.

We'll probably start with my doing the grocery shopping alone rather than having him do it for me.  But I wouldn't mind for my breaks to be a little more fun sometimes too.  🙂

So what lessons would I like to share from my experience?

1. Even when you think you're communicating with your husband, that may not actually be the case.

I was trying to tell my husband I was desperate for a break, but the only message he got was that we didn't have any cheese.  And then he thought I was slamming the door about it!  The poor guy is not a mind reader.

If you need something, tell your husband exactly what you need without hinting.

This is something we've tried to do our entire marriage – he to try to read through my hints, and I to be more direct in saying what I mean.  Obviously, we've still got work to do!

2. Give yourself a break.

I think homeschooling moms and moms of toddlers and preschoolers may be in the most danger of experiencing mommy burn-out since they are always with their kids, but I would venture to say that all moms need to be careful to take some time out for themselves.  And if you're an introvert like me, some actual ALONE time, not just a date with your husband or a night out with your friends.

I'd like to share some practical ways moms can take time out for themselves, but this post is rather lengthy already, so watch for a follow-up post soon with some ideas!

Have you ever hit your limit as a mother?  How did you handle it?

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Thou Shalt Not Have Dirty Floors!

I don't know about you, but I really enjoy reading blogs and browsing Pinterest or Facebook during my kids' nap time.  I have found quite a few ladies who post really good ideas and who encourage me to continue improving in my homemaking skills.

Sometimes I'm encouraged to enjoy the days, no matter how exhausting they are.
Sometimes I'm challenged to be more present with my children.
Sometimes I'm reminded to do a better job doing little things to show my husband I love him.
Sometimes I get a kick in the pants to just get up and clean my house instead of reading about the best way to do it!

But almost inevitably I see this phrase come up in the comments on these types of posts:

“Shame on you for heaping more guilt onto women already pulling their hair out trying to do everything they need to do for their families!”

“Really?” I wonder. I don't think the intent of the blogger was to make women feel guilty. I assume the intent was to encourage women to be striving to take the next step.

I get that women are busy.  Believe me, I do – because I'm right there with you!

I get that you're exhausted, and I know that sometimes thinking about doing “just one more thing” feels like it's going to push you over the edge.

But here's the thing.  Sometimes that guilt you feel?  Sometimes that guilt is a good thing.

Maybe you feel frustrated when you see a post about spending more time with your kids.  “Stop! I don't have time to spend more time with my kids or I totally would!” you think.  And I don't doubt that in some situations that's the case.  Single moms single-handedly keeping the household afloat?  I can see how that would be hard.  Dealing with chronic illness?  Been there, done that.  Not easy.

But what about those times when the real reason you feel guilty is because deep down inside you know that the reason you can't  spend more time with your kids is because you are spending your time on the wrong things?  There are plenty of things you can do that are actually good things, but because they take away from what's best, they're not right.  If that's the case, the guilt you feel – though it hurts – is a good thing, not something from which to run away or about which to become angry.

So what could be classified as “good guilt” and what qualifies as “bad guilt”?

(Update: After having my husband read over this post to make sure it made sense, he offered the suggestion that we clarify the terms a little bit.  While the Bible uses the term “guilt” in both a positive and a negative way, I think it may be easier to differentiate if we use different terms altogether.  So we'll say that “bad guilt” is condemnation, either from our own flesh or from the devil.  “Good guilt” is conviction from the Holy Spirit.  Condemnation beats us up.  Conviction builds us up.   Condemnation hurts because it says we are not good enough and we never can be.  Conviction may sting because the truth hurts, but it offers hope for change. )

“Bad guilt” says:

“My home should be decorated like this or I'm not making my home a haven for my family.”

“Good guilt” says:

“I haven't been using my time wisely and I need to spend more of it creating a peaceful atmosphere in my home.”  Or…it may say nothing at all!  Not everybody is called to decorate their house a certain way, and there's nothing wrong with that.  Your home can be a haven without the latest Pinterest look.

“Bad guilt” says:

“I am a lousy homemaker.  If I would get my act together, my house would be *this* clean. (Insert perfect standard of cleanliness here.)”

“Good guilt” says:

“I've been lazy, and according to the Bible, that displeases God.  It's time for me to roll up my sleeves and get to work.”  Or…it may say nothing at all!  You may be in a season of life where, in spite of great efforts, your house still stays a mess.  And that's perfectly okay.

“Bad guilt” says:

“If I were the right kind of mom, I would be playing with my kids daily, doing crafts with them, etc., etc., etc.”

“Good guilt” says:

“I need to change my priorities.  I've been spending too much time on the good, and not enough time on the best.”  Or…it may say nothing at all!  A good mother isn't measured by the number of crafts she does with her kids each week, the number of minutes she spends playing with her kids, or how few times she yelled today.  Her only responsibility is to do what's best for her family rather than trying to measure up to someone else's standards.

How do I evaluate whether I'm experiencing good guilt or bad guilt?

There are 2 simple ways to tell:

1. Bad guilt is based on someone else's standards.

When you look at how everyone else lives and you don't live the same way, bad guilt begins to set in.  Instead of measuring yourself against others, measure yourself against God's Word.  Does God's Word say, “Thou shalt never have a sticky floor?”  No?  Then why are you beating yourself up about your sticky floor just because someone else has that as her personal priority?
Good guilt asks, “What does God think of me?  Is how I'm spending my time best for my home and family?

2. Bad guilt is something you do to yourself.

No one can physically twist your arm and say “FEEL GUILTY, OR ELSE!”  If you feel guilty for no valid reason, that is because you are measuring yourself against the wrong standard.  Switch out your measuring stick and the guilt will disappear.
Good guilt is something the Holy Spirit does in your heart, prompting you to change your actions to be more in accordance with God's Word.

Bad guilt aims to hurt your feelings; good guilt aims to change your actions.

What should I do when I'm experiencing guilt?

When you leave the computer feeling guilty and depressed, even though there's nothing you can possibly do to change your actions, you must make a deliberate choice to change your thoughts instead.

How can you change your thoughts?

You put truth into your mind via God's Word.  You spend time reading God's Word instead of reading man's words.  You spend time telling your struggles to God instead of to your friends.  You spend time listening to uplifting music and meditating on the words instead of letting your thoughts swirl unchecked.  You memorize scripture so that it takes up so much room in your mind it automatically crowds out the faulty thinking that tries to sneak its way in.

And in those times when you get up knowing the guilt you feel is completely legitimate?  You just get to work making the changes you know you need to make – immediately.

The temptation is to sit around and bemoan all the time you've wasted and in the process you're wasting more time!  If your guilt brings no action it is doing you no good.

What are you going to change today, friend?

Do you need to spend more time thinking on truth?

Do you need to make necessary changes in your life?

Let's stop being angry at our feelings of guilt and deal with them in a healthy way!

Blessings to you and your family,

MaryEllen

Paper Experiments for Kids

This conversation is brought to you by Culturelle® Probiotic. All opinions are 100% my own.

I did these easy paper experiments with the kids this morning.
It was a lot of fun for them to follow the instructions and find out the end result.

Here's what we did:

The kids weren't all that impressed with that since it was pretty obvious that's what would happen.  But that was simply a springboard into the next activity:

They thought that was pretty neat, but then we took it a step further.

They got a huge kick out of that!  They thought it was pretty amazing to start with one piece of paper and end up with two loops joined together!

I'm working hard to keep their minds and their bodies healthy, and one way I'm doing that is to make sure they are taking probiotics daily.

We had been using a powdered probiotic, but were never faithful with it because it had to be mixed with their other food and they weren't crazy about the taste.

When Culturelle® Kids Probiotic offered to send me some chewable probiotic tablets just for kids in exchange for sharing our experience, I gladly took them up on it!

Culturelle Kids Probiotic contains 100% Lactobacillus GG, the #1 clinically studied probiotic in children. †† Daily usage is shown to help support kids’ immune systems and help alleviate occasional digestive distress.* The kids love the taste and never forget to take them!

When my kids are healthy, they are happier and better able to participate in activities like the ones they did in this post!  That's why I'm making it a priority to make sure they regularly take immune supporting probiotics like the ones found in Culturelle.*

If you want to try Culturelle Kids Probiotics for your own children, be sure to take advantage of this $5.00 coupon!

* These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

††Based on the number of Lactobacillus GG clinical studies, as of August 2014.

The Easiest Way to Get Those Taxes Done!

It's that time of year again, folks; it's tax season.

If you're anything like me, the very thought of filing taxes is enough to bring about a mixture of both excitement and dread. On one hand we can't help but thinking of the nifty tax returns we'll be receiving within just a few short weeks but on the other we can't avoid the feelings of chagrin when faced with picking which company to go to with for our tax related needs.  There is such a variety of ways to go about completing this arduous task, and many of those solutions come with a hefty price tag.

My husband and I have tried many different options for our taxes over the years, starting with old fashioned pencil and paper, then trying out a number of online services.  When we found TurboTax we stuck with it every year and haven't had to look elsewhere since!  It is truly the easiest, most stress-free way we have found to do our taxes!  (And did I mention you can file for free?!)

As a tried and true tax preparation company TurboTax has been trusted with their customers' finances for 22 years. With knowledgeable, friendly accountant experts to help you with your tax filing needs, TurboTax is available to help you get the most out of filing your taxes; better still, TurboTax offers you their services without ever having to leave your home!

As a champion of hard-working Americans, TurboTax believes that you shouldn't have to come in to work with their experts in order to successfully file your taxes.  Therefore, they've made the experience more user friendly by providing their online services; from the comfort of your own home you can now prepare your own taxes and pick a custom package that best suits your needs this tax filing season. Better still, if you encounter any problems during the process their experts are still available 24/7 should you need additional help.

With the new healthcare laws in effect this year, taxes may be more confusing than ever!  TurboTax has that aspect covered for you also.  There's no need to worry that you're getting the paperwork done correctly.

TurboTax has several different tax preparation packages from which to choose and when you're all done and ready to submit they'll even double check your taxes for you to make sure you never miss a single cent on your tax returns.

One of the best things about working with TurboTax these days is the Absolute Zero feature: the No-Cost Tax Return.

Just like the name states, with Absolute Zero, you don't have to pay a single dime out of your pocket to file your taxes. That's $0 Federal, $0 State, $0 to file for over 60 million Americans as of January 8th 2015.

TurboTax has gone above and beyond to make sure that the burden is lifted from its customers shoulders during their tax preparations. As the leader in tax preparation, TurboTax recognizes that you work hard for every penny you earn and that Absolute Zero is vital to their customers.

What do you get with Absolute Zero?

Absolute Zero is the same as last year's very popular Federal Free Edition, but with even more new free features.  Additional features include the following:

• Claim the Earned Income Credit ($2,300 2013 IRS average) $0
• Cover any Affordable Care Act forms
• Find possible government benefits up to $2,000
• Get a head start by importing your W-2 $0
• Have expert product and audit support $0

If you've been stressed about the time or money that preparing your tax return is going to cost you, I encourage you to give TurboTax a try.  It has truly saved us a great deal of both over the years!

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.

Valentine’s Gift Basket for Grandparents

One fun thing we like to do with the kids at Valentine's Day is have them give a small gift to their grandparents.

This year, we were given the opportunity to pick out some things at Family Christian to make a small gift basket for them.

We found a plaque in the clearance section that will go nicely in Grandma's newly painted kitchen!  We also found some lovely notecards with the words to “Great is they Faithfulness” on them.

For Grandpa, we found Valentine's Day chocolates with Bible verses on them and a coffee cup to go with it.

But of course the part that Grandparents love the best is the pictures of their grandkids!

Everything we do around here has to be super-simple, but we strive for cuteness all at the same time!

So I snapped one “regular” picture of the kids and glued it onto construction paper.  I wrote We Love You…

That was the front of the card.

For the inside of the card, I snapped a picture of the kids holding their arms open wide, glued it to the inside, and wrote “This Much!”

I am sure Grandma and Grandpa are going to love their gift from the kids!

Organizing the Gluten Free Pantry

Going gluten free wasn't terribly hard once I found some go-to recipes.

There are plenty of recipes for me to continue to enjoy pizza, pancakes, muffins, etc. made with gluten free flour.

The problem I have is not at all with the way the food tastes.  The problem is where to put the million types of flour I must use to make the food!

Sweet rice flour, white rice flour, brown rice flour,  tapioca flour, potato starch, xanthan gum…where does it end?!

And more importantly, where do I put all this stuff?

There were miscellaneous bags and containers everywhere!

I knew I could not leave things as they were, and I needed a quick, easy, and pretty solution!

I go through a canister of protein powder about once a month, so I started saving them several months ago.

This gave me uniform canisters for my huge assortment of ingredients.  They are the perfect size too!

To make them pretty and help me identify the contents, I got these adorable chalk board labels from Wayfair and applied them to the canisters.

I still have more things in loose bags, so I will continue to save the canisters from my protein powder.

This was the perfect way for me to keep everything neatly organized and nice looking!

I apologize for the quality of the photos – it is very dark in my pantry.  But hopefully you are able to tell well enough what you need to do to get all those ingredients organized!

I've also ordered a couple of wire vegetable bins to use in my pantry instead of unceremoniously throwing the bags of potatoes and onions in there.  They haven't arrived yet, but I'm excited about how much cuter that's going to look than what I've got now.

And this one is perfect for storing all the non-food items like zip-top bags and plastic wrap:

Do you have any problem areas in your gluten free pantry?  Do these look like solutions that would solve them?

Disclosure: I was provided with a gift card to Wayfair.com in exchange for this post.