A Letter to the Child I Never Knew
Dear Little One,
It was eight years ago today that I first learned of your existence.
It was the first Christmas your dad and I were spending as a married couple, and I was miserable. We were visiting relatives on his side of the family, aunts and uncles that I didn't know. I had a horrible head cold and wasn't feeling well. We had just finished a Christmas service at the church your dad's relatives attended and we decided to stop at the drugstore on our way back to the house and grab something for my sinuses.
As I read the instructions on the box, I joked to your dad, “It says ‘Do not take if pregnant.' I hope it's okay to take this!”
I had no idea I was pregnant. My periods were always irregular and sometimes I would skip a month, so I never even tried to keep track of whether I'd missed or not.
When we got back to the house, I started having severe abdominal cramps. “Oh great. I'm already miserable with this cold and now I'm going to start my period too!”
The cramps got worse and worse. This was the worst cramping I'd felt in a long time. And it felt a little different than usual too.
I got up to go to the bathroom, hoping to relieve some of the pressure.
I'd been in there quite a while with no relief when suddenly I felt something pop and I passed what felt like a huge clot of blood. But I immediately knew something unusual was going on. I stood up and looked into the toilet and I could see a mass of…something. I wasn't quite sure what.
I had to get down really close and look very carefully, but I could make out what seemed to be arms…or legs…or…something. Could it be?
I left the toilet unflushed and went to get your dad. He has better eyes than I do.
“I…think that's what we're seeing.” Neither of us actually said the word “baby”.
We were in disbelief at what we saw.
But we had to agree that's what it had to be.
I don't know whether I flushed the toilet or your dad, but I still feel guilty about it every time I think about it. We just didn't know what else to do with a big mass of urine, blood, toilet paper, and…a baby. I'm forcing myself to write those words. I need to.
I couldn't bring myself to use that bathroom for the rest of our visit. I felt like I was desecrating your precious body by using the bathroom in that toilet.
I cried, but not tears of grief. I cried because that is what a mother who has lost a child is supposed to do.
I hadn't learned to love you yet because I didn't even know of your existence yet until that moment.
I felt completely numb. In shock.
I also felt guilty. Guilty for taking the medicine. Guilty for flushing you down the toilet.
When we got back home from our visit, I took a pregnancy test which confirmed that there were in fact pregnancy hormones running around in my body. You hadn't been part of our imagination. You were real.
All these years I've kept pretty quiet about your existence. I've had a hard time acknowledging that you did in fact exist. The whole experience of learning of your existence, meeting you, and losing you all in one short moment left me feeling so very strange.
I never knew you.
But you are real. You are a living soul that I will one day meet in heaven.
I am your mother. You are my child.
And today I simply want to acknowledge that.
I no longer want to dismiss the value of your life simply because your birth and death were so far out of the norm.
And I hope that by writing this I can encourage other mamas who may have shared a similar experience that it's okay to acknowledge their babies. They don't have to keep quiet about it. I'd tell the world all about any of your siblings. Why should I be ashamed to talk about you too? Your life is every bit as valuable as theirs. And some day we're going to get to know one another.
Until then, I'm so glad you have a heavenly Father who loves you far more than your earthly mother and father ever could. One day I will thank him for your life.
Love,
Mommy
P.S. Today I cried. Really cried. Not because that's what someone who loses a baby is supposed to do. I cried because I love you.
Best Homemaking Posts of 2014
I have collaborated with some of my fellow bloggers at Alternative Living Network to bring you the best Homemaking Posts of 2014.
(Including links here does not necessarily mean I endorse all the content from every blog listed. As you should always do, please read with discretion.)
If you need some inspiration and tips for homemaking, this list will keep you busy for a good while!
Healthy Meal Planning and Cooking
How to be a “Real Food” Eater Without Letting it Rule Your Life
Healthy Eating 101 – Where Do I Start?
How to Convert Recipes to “Real Food” Recipes
Healthy Food You Can Buy at Aldi
Freezer Cooking 101 – Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
How to do Meal Planning and Freezer Cooking
Meal Plan with Printable Calendar
How to Take a Freezer Inventory
Stocking the Real Food Pantry, Fridge, and Freezer
How to Meal Plan When You Don't Have Time
Practical Ways to Practice Real Food Hospitality
5 Recommended Real Food Cookbooks
Choosing and Brewing Perfect Tea Every Time
Time Management
The Time Management System that Changed My Life
Creating Morning and Evening Routines
Getting It All Done When You Don't Feel Well
Tools for Homemaking Productivity
Cleaning
Spring Cleaning Game Plan and Checklist
Natural Spring Cleaning Supplies
How to Do Laundry for 8 People in One Day
Green Living
How to Replace Paper Towels with Cloth
How to Switch from Disposable to Reusable
Real Life Inspiration
Inspiration & Faith
Letting Go of Homemaker's Guilt
One Simple Word That Could Change Your Home
What I've Learned About Homemaking From the Older Generation
Teaching Kids to be Grateful for Gifts
Teaching kids to be grateful for gifts can be a challenge sometimes!
Giving gifts to our children for Christmas or birthdays is a ton of fun — until you start hearing things like “I don't want this!” or seeing one gift hurriedly tossed aside while they ask “What else do I get?”
As much as we try to teach our children to be grateful for what they get, there is definitely a learning curve and they don't always get it the first time around! So if you're doing these things and they're still acting like spoiled brats, don't be discouraged. Keep at it, and gratefulness will begin to form into their character where they exhibit it on their own. Their heart attitude — not conformity — is the goal, and that takes time.
Below are some things we have done with our children around Christmas or birthday time to help them learn to be thankful for what they receive. All of these require learning to place others before themselves.
Disappointing gift? If they've learned to put others first, they can refrain from making rude comments that would hurt the giver's feelings.
Expecting more presents? Learning to put others first means they learn to put their focus on what they can give to someone else instead of what others can give to them.
1. Prepare them ahead of time.
I hate it when we go to a family gathering and I realize I haven't talked to my children ahead of time to remind them to say thank you when someone gives them a gift and to keep the “I don't like this!” comments inside their head. I try to remember to talk to them before gift opening time so they can be prepared to respond appropriately when given a gift.
2. Have them say thank you.
Even if you forgot to remind them ahead of time, make sure your children say thank you for every single gift they receive. Stay nearby while they are opening gifts so you can make sure this happens.
3. Have them write a thank you note.
Besides saying thank you verbally, have your children write a thank you note after the fact. For very young children, you can write the thank-you note for them and have them sign their own name. The note should include some reason they like their gift, and if they honestly don't like it, help them think of a way to express gratefulness anyway. (“I'm so glad you were thinking of me!” or something similar.)
4. Do not allow complaining.
If you ever hear the “I don't like this!” comments coming from your child, deal with it immediately. Pull your child aside and remind them that gratefulness is a choice. Encourage them to focus on the positive. (“Maybe that gift from Aunt Sally was disappointing, but let's think of something for which to be thankful. You have a lot of people in this room who love you very much. Things will wear out or you'll get tired of them, but a family who loves you is priceless.”)
5. Focus on giving; not getting.
At Christmas, keep the focus on what they can give to others; not on what they're going to get. When they've carefully thought of others, the excitement shifts from opening their own presents to watching others open theirs.
6. Open presents slowly, savoring each one.
Rather than allowing a free-for-all, paper-ripping frenzy, have your children open gifts one at a time. This keeps things quiet enough where they can say thank you for each gift and to pay attention to it long enough to be glad for it even if that's the only thing they get.
7. Don't make the presents the main thing.
Make the fun of Christmas or birthdays be the other activities that bring your family together. The presents are just a bonus!
8. Address displays of ungratefulness and praise good efforts toward being grateful.
After the presents have all been unwrapped and the celebration is over, sit down with your child and have them think about their behavior. “You told Aunt Sally thank you for the sweater she got you, but you threw it to the side and busted into another gift before you'd really even looked at it. Do you think that was really being thankful?” or “I know you were disappointed that you didn't get the gift you were hoping to, but you still chose to be thankful for what you got. Good job!”
When you do these things year after year, your children will come to understand that they need to be grateful for every gift they receive. It's okay to be disappointed if something isn't exactly what you want, but you can still make a deliberate choice to be grateful for it anyway. It's not about pretending; it's about truly recognizing all the good things we do have. If someone gets you something really nice — fabulous! If someone gets you something not-so-nice — it's okay! You can still be polite and say thank you, recognizing that they gave you a gift because they love you.
Let's train up a generation of less entitled kids and more grateful kids!
Last Minute Gift Idea for Mom or Grandma
Need a last minute gift for mom or grandma? Here is one that she will love!
Personalize, print, and frame! So easy, but so meaningful!
To make your own, just right-click and save the image below. Then use a photo editing program to insert the names of your family members. (Picmonkey is free if you don't have your own program.)
Here’s How to Get a Free Healthy Living Bundle
There was a Healthy Living Bundle available back in the fall that had over $1000 worth of resources at a huge discount. I buy every single one of these bundles because they're just really, really great. (This one includes some amazing eBooks, an essential oils eCourse worth $100, and some free products like a glass straw, beeswax lotion and lip balm, and herbal formulas from Trilight Health — it's so much fun!)
I just found out that they're bringing the Healthy Living Bundle back for the New Year to help you reach all those goals you're going to set. And here's the best part — you can get your bundle free with just a teensy bit of work!
Yup. All that stuff I mentioned (and a lot more) can be yours completely free.
Here's what you need to do:
1. Enter your info here to receive a free 4 day challenge.
2. As soon as you enter your info, you'll receive a link that you can share with your friends.
3. Share the link and if 10 of them sign up for their free 4 day challenge, you get a free bundle worth over $1000. How hard is it to get somebody to sign up for something free?! (Hint: not hard. Especially if you tell them the same thing I'm telling you — that they can refer 10 of their friends and get themselves a free bundle.)
Lots of people took advantage of this last time around, and got their free bundles.
So go! And enjoy!
Homeschool Adventure Giveaway
We're wrapping up the final day of the 12 Days of Homeschool Giveaways with a bang!
Our sponsor today, Homeschool Adventure – Engaging Resources to help your family cultivate and defend a biblical worldview, is giving away a HUGE prize pack containing one of each of the following resources.
DO YOU NEED to teach advanced writing and speaking skills?
DO YOU WANT your students equipped to discern truth as ungodly messages bombard them?
DO YOU WONDER how to cover all they need academically as well as practically?
Philosophy Adventure™ may be your solution!
Philosophy Adventure™—Pre-Socratics helps students 6th-12th grade cultivate and defend a biblical worldview by teaching them how to write skillfully, think critically, and speak articulately.
It can be used as a stand-alone curriculum or with other resources, including:
- Creative Freewriting Adventure
- The Wise Woman with Literary Analysis Journal Questions
- Philippians in 28 Weeks
- Mere Christianity Critical Analysis Journal
Creative Freewriting Adventure bring joy and excitement into your student’s writing with simple-to-execute (yet significant) writing exercises. No prep required. Just grab a pen and paper, set a timer, and have fun!
The Wise Woman with Literary Analysis Journal Questions enchants readers while it contrasts the ugliness of pride, selfishness and conceit with the beauty of humility, sacrifice, and compassion. By offering students 16 to 24 literary analysis questions per chapter, it teaches critical thinking in a way that is engaging and transformational.
Mere Christianity Critical Analysis Journal is a powerful tool to strengthen critical thinking while cultivating a biblical worldview. A companion to Lewis’s classic work, the Journal can be used for independent study with teenagers or adults, or as a group study in families, homeschools, co-ops, classrooms, Sunday school, and small groups.
It is easier to share the Word of God when it is etched upon your heart.
Philippians in 28 Weeks™ is a delightful and painless way to commit the entire book of Philippians to memory. Five simple steps create a streamlined approach with memory cards carefully constructed to present Philippians thought-by-thought, copy work verses, journal questions, weekly reflections, recitation charts to test your retention, and an optional tracking tool called “The Log.”
Wouldn't you LOVE to add these resources to your homeschool library? If so, use the rafflecopter below to enter. Open to US residents only. All entries will be verified. Winners will be notified via email and will have 48 hours to respond. If no, response is received within 48 hours a new winner will be chosen. Good luck!