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Category Archives for Marriage

Marriage Advice to the Woman in a Good Marriage

I've not written a whole lot about marriage here.  Most — not all, but most — of my posts are borne out of whatever I'm personally reflecting on at the moment.  A lot of that has to do with the struggles of motherhood. That is something that is immensely more difficult than I ever imagined!

But marriage has never been all that difficult.  We're not perfect, but it's not something that my husband and I struggle with.  He's a good man!  We always seem to be on the same wavelength, so arguments…I mean, disagreements…are not something that frequently occurs.  It's pretty smooth sailing between the two of us most of the time, therefore I've never felt like I had a ton of stuff to write about from personal experience.

But yesterday I realized I had an important message to share.  To myself first of all, then to all the other ladies who are living in a non-difficult marriage.

So here it is: Marriage Advice to the Woman In a Good Marriage

Marriage Advice to the Woman in a Great Marriage | Christian Homemaking

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“Why is he so grouchy?” I wondered.  “He's usually only grouchy when he has a headache, and I don't think he does today.”

 

I began to ponder what the problem could be.  Before too long the light bulb went off.  Stress!  My husband is under a lot of stress!  And what have I been doing to help him?  Pretty much nothing.

 

When you're married to a good man, it becomes easy to start expecting him to be a good man.  I mean, that's just what he does. He helps me with the laundry, speaks tenderly and lovingly to me (and tries to understand my crazy womanly ways!), and plays with the kids.  He works hard to provide for his family, keeps things repaired around the house, and serves at church in whatever ways he can.

 

He does all of these things faithfully.  He's so good to me and the children; I couldn't ask for a better man!

 

But I've taken it for granted.

I haven't needed “marriage advice” because we don't argue.  We try to serve one another in the home.  We understand each other.

But there are some things I've neglected to do this for this wonderful man of mine.

 

1. Pray for him faithfully.

It took some stress in his life for me to realize that I've not been praying for my husband like I should.  But my husband needs God's power and protection on his life when times are tough and when the path is smooth.  I shouldn't have waited until he was under pressure to pray for him.  I should be praying more than just “help my husband to have a good day”.  I should be fervently praying.  Satan wants to destroy the lives of God's children, and that includes my husband.  (One of my contributors came up with a printable prayer calendar for your husband if you'd like to use it for some ideas of specific things to pray.)

 

2. Thank him.

It's easy to start taking for granted all the things my husband does.  But I don't like to be taken for granted.  Sure, it's my job to clean the house, make the meals, and take care of the kids all day.  But that doesn't mean it's not hard work.  And I sure do like it when my husband thanks me for supper and gives me some recognition for the hard work I've done that day.  I'm sure some appreciation shown to my husband for the hard work he does for our family would be an encouragement to him too.

 

3. Encourage him.

Words of appreciation would be encouragement in and of themselves, but I can also let him know I'm praying for him, jot down words or verses of encouragement, and be excited for him when he has a great day at work.  (I can also be ready with a shoulder massage and sympathetic ear when he's not had such a great day.)

 

4. Help him.

What can I do to take some of the load off his shoulders?  Is there a responsibility around the house that I'm capable of taking care of?  Sometimes I can't think of anything to do, so I simply ask him, “Is there anything I can do for you tomorrow?”  Often he will have something that he's happy for me to take care of that I didn't even know he needed to do.  Sometimes it's an errand to run, sometimes a bill to pay — little annoying things that hang over his head, especially when he's super busy at work and feeling the pressure of getting it all done while still having time to spend with his family.

 

Dear friend, even if you have a great marriage, there is always room for improvement!  What can you do for your husband today?

One Easy Way to Strengthen Your Marriage (Imperfect Homemaking Challenge)

Last week I talked about how you can strengthen your marriage by showing your husband that you love him.  It's important to keep the spark of romance alive in your marriage, even (especially!) when life is crazy busy.

One simple way to do that is to flirt with your husband.

Bringing up inside jokes, playing footsie under the table, flicking water at him as you're washing dishes — these are all subtle little ways to say “I love you; you're my best friend; and I enjoy being with you!”

 

We are a very frugal family, never (or hardly ever!) spending money unnecessarily and considering each purchase very carefully.  Because of that, I don't have a smartphone. (Yes, I confess.  My Instagram photos aren't always “instant”.  I wait until my husband comes home with his smartphone from work.)  For the longest time I did not have unlimited texting on my phone either.  Finally, after much consideration, we decided to pay a little extra each month for unlimited texts on my phone. That was mainly because we hadn't yet caught up to the rest of the world technologically and it was frustrating for people who's primary mode of communication was texting not to be able to text me.

 

But the unlimited texting came with an unexpected perk.

How a New Phone Plan Strengthened my Marriage | Imperfect Homemaker

 

Now I've got all day access to my husband, and I can “spend time” with him much more often than I used to!

 

Whereas before I couldn't exactly call him at work, I can send him texts to let him know I'm thinking about him.  And let me tell you, the inside jokes and the flirting roll back and forth all day long!  To be honest, that new phone plan has strengthened our marriage due to our being able to connect with each other more often.

 

 

Today's Challenge: Flirt with your husband.  Maybe you'll want to send him a text or write him a love note.  Maybe you'll choose something else.  But do something!

Instagram challenge: Ya'll.  Please.  Let's keep this one private.  😉

 

If you’re just joining the 31 Days of Imperfect Homemaking series, you can see all the posts here.

 

31 Days of Imperfect Homemaking | A Series for Christian Homemakers

25 Stay-At-Home Date Night Ideas

For many of you, paying a babysitter is not in the budget, so you skip out on dating your spouse.  But you don't have to!  Here are 25 stay-at-home date night ideas that hardly cost anything and will give you and your spouse the opportunity to communicate and strengthen your bond.

 

 

 

Plan ahead for which night you want to have your date, feed the kids an early supper and put them to bed early.  Then you can do one of the following:

 

1. Light a fire in the fireplace or light a bunch of candles.  Have an indoor picnic by the fire.

2. Make cookies together and eat them warm right out of the oven.

3. Snuggle on the couch and watch a movie.  Treat yourself to your favorite snacks while you watch.

Below are some fantastic suggestions for good movies to watch as a couple:


 

4. Play board games together.

Don't have any 2 player games? Check the widget below for some suggestions!


 

5. Read a book aloud to each other.

6. Eat a candlelit dinner.

7. Work on a home improvement project together.

8. Work out together.

9. Play video games together and enjoy the competition.

10. Watch a sports game.

11. Set up a pair of chairs in the backyard and stick your feet in the kiddie pool.

12. Make breakfast for dinner and have breakfast in bed.

13. Take a walk around the backyard.

14. Watch your wedding video.

15. Look at old pictures.

16. Watch home movies of the kids.

17. Read your love notes from when you were dating.

18. Dream and make plans for the future.

19. Do a puzzle together.

20. Have a spa night.  Pamper each other with massages or pedicures.

21. Do brain teasers together.  See who can solve them the fastest.

22. Read the Bible and pray together.

23. Sit outside and look at the stars.

24. Make a fire in the backyard and roast marshmallows.

25. Take an online class together.

 

Do you have any other great ideas for stay-at-home dates?25 Stay-at-home date night ideas - great list!

 

A Love Story {Part 3}

A Love Story

If you didn't get a chance to read parts 1 and 2, you can go back and do that now. {Part 1; Part 2}

We didn't begin dating right away.  In fact, under the leadership of my “special friend”, we took things very slowly at first.

After our first day of classes, we both headed toward the cafeteria for lunch.  I didn't know if we were going to sit together or not, but we had just gotten out of a class and had walked to the cafeteria together, so we were next to each other in line.  After we got our food, I didn't really know what I was supposed to do.  Was he expecting me to sit with him or not?

He was standing there looking for a place to sit, so I just stood next to him and waited.  He finally said, “I don't want to sit together until I've had a chance to talk to your dad.”

“Um.  Yeah.  Sure.  Okay.”  I mumbled awkwardly as I found a place to sit by myself.

Thankfully he didn't wait too long before he got around to asking my dad if it would be okay for us to eat meals together and spend a few minutes talking alone every day.

Over the next semester, most of our communication was spent over a quick meal and through tons and tons of little notes.  He was carrying  a full load of classes and working a full-time 3rd shift job.  He didn't have much time left for me, but somehow he made time to write me notes all the time and leave little prizes in my mailbox (chocolates, mostly – he was a smart fellow!)

In spite of the fact that we were “taking it slow”, there were a couple not-so-subtle hints that there was a whole lot more to it than that.

Like the time I wrote him a silly note for fun that said “I like you.  Do you like me?  Check yes or no.”  He checked “no”, handed it back, and said “Interpret that how you may.”  Hmm….

Or the time he checked my box before I did, found an informational survey in there and filled it out for me.  On the space marked “Anniversary”, he filled in Summer ?????.    Hmmm again…

I didn't remember this, but in looking through our box of notes and letters, it was pretty obvious that by Christmas break (about 4 months) we had some pet names for each other.  (None of your business what they were!)

A Love Story

Our box of notes and letters

When Christmas break came, it seemed like it would last forever, even though it was only a few weeks.  I bought a couple cards to send him, but my Dad saw them and nixed them.  I guess they were a little too mushy.  🙂

We did manage to fit in a few phone calls over the break.

One phone call in particular was extremely memorable…

To be continued…

 

 

A Love Story

Since my husband and I celebrate our anniversary this month, I will be focusing on topics regarding marriage.  I thought the best way to start would be to share our love story…

 

A Love Story

“You really shouldn't be talking to people like that,” I remarked as I breezed past the park bench.

I was talking to a staff member's little boy at the Bible college I attended.  It was the beginning of the school year, and there was this {extremely cute} freshman guy sitting on a bench talking to this little boy.

Saying that to the boy was my (very immature) way of saying to this new guy, “Well, hi there, handsome!  If you haven't noticed me…well…please notice me.”

He did.

(He tells me now that he noticed me, but could tell that I had a little maturing to do, so he was not going to pursue any relationship until he knew I was ready.)

Since we ended up with a very similar class schedule, we had plenty of informal opportunities to get to know one another as friends.

I continued my immature antics before every class by ensuring that there was always magically a seat that just happened to be empty when he walked into the room – and it was always right beside me.  Amazing how he never caught on to that. 😉 (Yeah, right.)

As the school year went on we realized more and more how attracted we were to one another.  We got to know one another in group settings and just as friends – chatting before and after classes, eating lunch together with a group of friends, going to college activities within the same group of friends, etc.

My {then future} husband (wise man that he was) did not pursue any further relationship at all that year other than just being friends.  He wanted to see how we felt during the summer when we parted ways and did not have any contact with one another.

However, our first “date” was on the last night of school.  We went out to Dairy Queen with some of our friends, and didn't stay nearly as long as I would have liked.  He was paranoid that he would keep me out too late and get on my dad's bad side.  When we got back from Dairy Queen, we said goodbyes and parted ways for the entire summer.

a

Us at a banquet at the end of the school year

 

That was hard for me, but good at the same time.

I was already planning on marrying the guy, and I started getting into the habit of squeezing the toothpaste tube from the bottom because I thought he seemed like the type of person to do that.  After we got married we both squeezed the toothpaste tube from the bottom, but he told me that he had trained himself to do it that first summer we were apart because he thought I seemed like the type of person to do that! (Guess he was already planning on marrying me too!)

After the summer was over, I stalked the college campus on the day I knew he was supposed to come back.  I waited around as long as I could without looking like a complete dork, and finally went home without seeing him return.  Later that evening my parents decided to go take a walk around the college campus (we lived on a main road and there was no good place at home to walk).  I suddenly  became extremely interested in my cardiovascular health!

Would I see him?  Would he still be interested in me?  I hadn't seen him or had any communication with him for the entire summer, and these were the questions I was nervously asking myself as I put on my exercise  cutest clothes and threw my hair in a ponytail meticulously did my hair and makeup.

To be continued…

 

You can read the rest of the story here:

 

7 Ways To Have A Good Marriage

Every wife desires to have a good marriage!  Did you know that there are some ways you can actively pursue it?

7 Ways to Have a Good Marriage

Here are 7 ways to have a good marriage:

 

  1. Ask God to change you, not your husband.

Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.  (Emphasis mine.)  Psalm 130:23-24

 

2. Make time for God first, your husband second, and yourself last.

The LORD is my strength and song, and he is become my salvation: he is my God, and I will prepare him an habitation; my father's God and I will exalt him. Exodus 15:2

Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another… Romans 12:10

 

3. Submit to your husband.

Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.  Colossians 3:18

 

4. Keep a meek and quiet spirit.

But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.  I Peter 3:4

 

5. Do him good all the days of your life.

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.  Proverbs 31:12

 

6. Pray for him every day.

Pray without ceasing.  I Thessalonians 5:17

 

7. Always refer to number one.

 

A great book for wives who are struggling with wishing their husband would change for the better is called Lord, Change Me by Evelyn Christenson.  (Actually, it's a good book for every single one of us!  Don't we all have a harder time seeing our own problems?)  It's amazing what good can come into your marriage when you change your perspective.

You can pick it up on Amazon, and it will be a great help to you.

 

This post was written by my mom.  Hop over to visit her blog, Joyful Abundant Life.

 

You may also like:

 

How to Be Your Husband's Best Friend

 

Marriage Advice to the Woman in a Great Marriage | Christian Homemaking

 

5 Ways to encourage your husband today |Biblical marraige advice from @mbream