I Need Your Help
I'm working on some resources regarding chronic illness. If you or someone you know suffers from a chronic illness of any type, I'd be ever so grateful if you could help me out with a little information.
And as a thank you, I've put together a set of 5 free printables to encourage you on your journey. When you complete the survey you will be directed to a private page where you can access them.
Please complete the survey here.
I'm not sure why WordPress is adding some strange lines onto some of these. They won't be there when you print them.
Thank you in advance for your help!
A Love Story {Part 5}
If you didn’t get a chance to read the other parts to the story, you can go back and do that now. {Part 1; Part 2; Part 3; Part 4}
The summer following my junior year found me at home planning a wedding even though I wasn't engaged yet. I even found and purchased my wedding dress. I knew my senior year of college would be busy and I wanted to have as much planning as possible done before school started.
I was missing my boyfriend, who was in Virginia doing his pastoral internship, but I did manage to sneak in a weekend visit (thanks to my ultra-patient mom who accompanied me on what I'm sure was to her a boring trip.)
As the time for school to start drew near, my parents decided they wanted us to go out to eat together and spend some time as a family. I got dressed in a nice casual outfit and was rummaging through my basket of perfume and body spray when my mom came into my room. “Can I wear something of yours?” she asked. “Sure, I don't care…oh…wait…that's my favorite one and it was really expensive and now it's discontinued. Not that one please.” It was a roll-on, and as I was in the middle of my sentence she grabbed my wrist and dabbed the perfume on. “Stop! I don't want to use that up!” I protested. “Oh. Sorry. I just wanted to see what it smelled like,” was her reply.
“Hey, by the way. Bring your walking shoes. We'll go on a walk afterward,” she mentioned as she left the room.
As we pulled out of the driveway, my dad headed the car not toward town and the restaurants, but toward the college I attended. He was on staff there, and was always having to stop by to “fix this real quick”, “lock up that door”, or some such thing. I didn't think a thing about it.
But when we pulled up, there was a surprise waiting for me…in the form of a PERSON…a very special person! (Now I understood the whole perfume thing, and I was thinking, “Mom, you are awesome.”)
“Get on your walking shoes. We're going to go ahead and go on a walk,” Dad said. I was pretty sure I knew what was going on, but I played along and got my walking shoes on (with my skirt. So adorable.)
The next thing he said was “Ya'll go on ahead. I've got to fix something real quick.”
Now I knew for sure what was happening. I knew mom and dad wouldn't be along for this walk.
And, we were headed for the exact spot where I had been told a couple years earlier would be “a pretty place to get engaged.”
He was acting pretty nervous, even though to this day he denies it!
A few minutes later we arrived at a picturesque, secluded little pond that had a pier overlooking it.
On the pier were several things:
- A rocking chair – I had mentioned at some point while we were dating that someday I would like to have a special place in my bedroom where I could go to be alone and spend quiet time with the Lord.
- A table – this was his idea. I would need a side table so that I could always keep my Bible close to my chair.
- A box – He had built it for me with the help of a friend. Inside the box was a Bible with my name engraved on it. Only it wasn't my maiden name. It was the name I would have if I married him!
As he got down on one knee, his question to me was, “Would you like to have that name?”
When I said “Yes”, he pointed out a place he had hollowed out in the lid of the box where he had placed the ring.
The inside of “the box”
We headed home to another surprise – his parents were visiting from Pennsylvania. We all enjoyed a truly “family” dinner out.
It was time to begin our final year of college and to prepare for marriage and the joys and responsibilities that lay ahead. Only God knew what was in our future, but we were blessed to be spending it together!
Shortly after we were engaged
7 years later, I still have my special place. I have spent many a quiet moment here.
A Love Story {Part 4}
If you didn’t get a chance to read the other parts to the story, you can go back and do that now. {Part 1; Part 2; Part 3}
It was one day before he was supposed to return from Christmas break. We were planning to fit in one last phone chat that evening.
I was wearing my usual winter around-the-house garb which consisted of baggy sweats and unbrushed hair.
As it grew later in the evening, my mom kept telling me how awful I looked and that she wished I would go make myself look decent. I did not understand why it was such a big deal – I mean, it was winter and I just wanted to be warm and comfy.
I went and changed into a sweater and skirt, but I wore the biggest, baggiest, frumpiest sweater I had because, like I said, I just wanted to be warm and comfy.
A few minutes later the telephone rang. Time for my evening chat. I was sitting at the kitchen island with my back to the door. While we were talking I heard the door open. I turned around, and guess who was standing in my house?!!! He came back a day early just to surprise me!
But did he receive an excited greeting from me? Absolutely not; not even a “What are you doing here?” All he got was a scream as I fled to the bathroom to make myself look presentable. In my mind's eye I could see my mom shaking her head and saying, “I tried to help you.”
When the girls at school found out about what he'd done, they were all talking about how that was “sooo romantic”. I didn't think it was romantic at all because although he was the handsome prince, he had caught me looking nothing like Cinderella.
Nevertheless, it must have been true love, because he still wanted to date me even though he knew what he'd be looking at many a cold winter night if he were to marry me.
We started spending more and more time together, and the next year and a half is such a blur. With classes, homework, working, and dating, there was a lot that we fit into such a small amount of time.
Valentine's Banquet 2005
I was so thankful for the fact that we both had Godly parents who were there to guide us through such a crucial time in our lives. Deciding who you are going to marry is not a decision to be made lightly! They allowed us plenty of space and did not force their opinions on us, which in turn made it very easy for us to respect their wishes for our relationship. We wanted to do what they wanted because they didn't try to make us.
As our junior year drew to a close, we both were sure that God meant for us to be together in marriage, and we talked about it openly. It wasn't going to be a surprise when he popped the question (in fact, I started making plans and shopping for a dress before he ever did!)
The question in my mind was not “if” but simply “when” and “how”.
I'll tell you all about it in the next post!
Fun Little Tidbit
There's an online shopping site called Thredup, which is sort of like an online Goodwill, only they have very, very nice stuff.
I have gotten some really nice stuff for my kids there in the past, and they have just opened up a women's department.
Here's the fun part…if you're a new customer, you can use the coupon code LADY15 to get $15 off women's clothes! (Through Friday, May 10, only!)
You will pay shipping, but it is very reasonable – $2.99 for the first item and $.99 per additional item.
There are tons of nice clothes under $15, so you could get a new item (or even 2 or 3) and only pay a few dollars for shipping!
I thought some of you ladies with limited budgets and shopping time might enjoy the opportunity to get some free clothes!
Trying to Understand The Things I Don’t {When Mother’s Day Hurts}
We all have our share of heartaches and disappointments. And each one of us has their unique set of valleys through which we must pass.
My valleys will not be the same as your valleys.
Maybe you've already walked through a great many valleys. Maybe your darkest hours still lie ahead of you.
Have you ever seen someone experiencing a trial and knew that there was no way you could understand what they were going through? Because you had never experienced what they had experienced, you could never say “I understand.”
“I'm sorry” feels so weak during those times.
During this time of my illness, there have been times when the help or encouragement people tried to offer was actually one of the least helpful or encouraging things they could have said or done. When that happens I try to look beyond what was said or done and understand the sentiment behind it. I choose to be grateful for their good intentions and for the fact that someone loves me enough to try to help, even when they don't understand what I need. And I never want to scare people off from continuing to try by making them feel like they did something wrong.
In these days leading up to Mother's Day, there are articles going up across the blogosphere that are meant to be an encouragement to those who are dealing with infertility, who have experienced a miscarriage or the loss of a child, who have lost their own mothers, or who have a less-than-desirable relationship with their mother or children.
I don't understand those things. I have never experienced the heartache of infertility. I have a great relationship with my children and with my mother who is still living. And although I did experience a miscarriage, that was a long time ago, and the hurt is all but healed. Perhaps God will give me the grace to share that story at some point.
But the fact of the matter is, I can't put my arm around you and say, “I understand.”
But when I think of you – some my dear friends, some only acquaintances, some whom I've never met – the tears well up in my eyes as I try to at least imagine how you must feel.
Can I let you in on the thought processes of someone who doesn't know firsthand how you feel, but who still loves you and wants to help?
- First, know that I pray for you. Whenever you come to mind, I ask God to give you the strength and grace that you need. Although I don't know how you feel, He does, and I go to Him regularly on your behalf.
- It's hard to know what to say and what not to say. It's really none of my business why you don't have any kids or what's going on between you and your teenager. I assume you don't want every random person poking into your business, and who am I to think that I am the exception? So unless you offer me the information, I'm not going to ask. The reason I don't ask because is not because I don't care; I don't ask because I don't want to make things harder on you than they already are.
- If I know your situation, and I offer information, it's because I truly care about your well-being. I am often torn because I don't want to withhold information that I know could be of help to someone, but with my health issues I know what it's like to receive advice from everybody. (Which is why I was torn when it came to letting you know about the fertility bundle. It's not meant to be a slap in the face or to make you feel as if you haven't been smart enough to find the right information on your own. But at the same time I understand that some people are still searching and praying for God to lead them, and I don't want to withhold the information if it does happen to be what you've been looking for.)
- I really hope that you look past what I said or did that wasn't exactly what you needed. I really want you to see my heart for you and that even if I didn't get it right, it was still meant to show you my love.
So, as someone who can't honestly say “I understand” when it comes to these things, here is the best advice I can give to those who want to help others who are hurting. I really want those who are in the hurting category to comment and let me know what about this list is right, what needs to be changed, and what needs to be added, okay? Please feel free to comment anonymously if you'd like.
- Pray for those you know are hurting.
- Don't pry, but let them know you are praying for them. Perhaps it just needs to be a note, email, or just in conversation saying, “I don't know all that you're going through, but I just want to let you know I'm praying for you.” They may decide to share more details when you do something to let them know you care, or they may choose not to. Don't make your point to be finding out their business; just genuinely care about them.
- Don't give them information they haven't asked for unless God has clearly directed the conversation in that way. Most likely, they have already spent hours researching the issues with which they are dealing. If God does lead you to share information and resources, explain clearly that it's okay if they aren't interested. Just let them know what you have to offer and let them decide if they want to pursue it further or not.
- Acknowledge their value as a person. Let them know how much they mean to you and why. A person doesn't have to be a perfect mother or child, or even be a mother at all, to have value, purpose, and influence.
Please. I sincerely ask you. Won't you please help the rest of us who can't say “I understand”? Won't you let us know how we can help you? Let us know what you're thinking and feeling, what we should say or do and what we should not say or do. You have so many people who love you, but it may not feel that way just because we don't know how best to show you.
As I said before, please feel free to leave your comments anonymously if you'd like. (You can just type in “anonymous” as your name. Your email will not be visible on your comment.)
A Love Story {Part 3}
If you didn't get a chance to read parts 1 and 2, you can go back and do that now. {Part 1; Part 2}
We didn't begin dating right away. In fact, under the leadership of my “special friend”, we took things very slowly at first.
After our first day of classes, we both headed toward the cafeteria for lunch. I didn't know if we were going to sit together or not, but we had just gotten out of a class and had walked to the cafeteria together, so we were next to each other in line. After we got our food, I didn't really know what I was supposed to do. Was he expecting me to sit with him or not?
He was standing there looking for a place to sit, so I just stood next to him and waited. He finally said, “I don't want to sit together until I've had a chance to talk to your dad.”
“Um. Yeah. Sure. Okay.” I mumbled awkwardly as I found a place to sit by myself.
Thankfully he didn't wait too long before he got around to asking my dad if it would be okay for us to eat meals together and spend a few minutes talking alone every day.
Over the next semester, most of our communication was spent over a quick meal and through tons and tons of little notes. He was carrying a full load of classes and working a full-time 3rd shift job. He didn't have much time left for me, but somehow he made time to write me notes all the time and leave little prizes in my mailbox (chocolates, mostly – he was a smart fellow!)
In spite of the fact that we were “taking it slow”, there were a couple not-so-subtle hints that there was a whole lot more to it than that.
Like the time I wrote him a silly note for fun that said “I like you. Do you like me? Check yes or no.” He checked “no”, handed it back, and said “Interpret that how you may.” Hmm….
Or the time he checked my box before I did, found an informational survey in there and filled it out for me. On the space marked “Anniversary”, he filled in Summer ?????. Hmmm again…
I didn't remember this, but in looking through our box of notes and letters, it was pretty obvious that by Christmas break (about 4 months) we had some pet names for each other. (None of your business what they were!)
Our box of notes and letters
When Christmas break came, it seemed like it would last forever, even though it was only a few weeks. I bought a couple cards to send him, but my Dad saw them and nixed them. I guess they were a little too mushy. 🙂
We did manage to fit in a few phone calls over the break.
One phone call in particular was extremely memorable…
To be continued…